The National Coffee Bean Network?

Hot on the heels of a fiery Senate Estimates hearing into the NBN the other night, in which the opposition attacked NBN Co on their usage of coffee machines – (yes, really) – came this follow up report into the matter.

Stupid right? How many workplaces offer coffee to their employees? Every single one I’ve ever worked in has.

Technology site Delimiter similarly attacked this ridiculous line of questioning, and I came up with the following comment on the alternative broadband policy which the Coalition refuses to release, and originally posted here:

“When it comes to power, the Coalition will end this silly notion that 93% of Australia’s population needs to have coffee delivered directly to their premises, replacing it with a solution that delivers coffee to a small canteen with a monkey and an organ grinder – (which will double as the apparatus to grind the beans) – which will be conveniently located within 200 metres of all premises.”

“The next 4% of the population will see their coffee projected towards them from an effigy of Malcolm Turnbull with a white elephant gun atop 40 metre high towers placed in unsightly locations around their towns, directly into a funnel mounted onto their roofs. This will channel the coffee into pots mounted on their kitchen benches. NIMBYs will complain that whenever the coffee misses the funnel, it will land on their heads and “kill them”.”

“The final 3% of the population will have their coffee dribbled on them from a fleet of brightly coloured zeppelins, emblazoned with 40 foot images of Tony Abbott saying “Shit Happens”.”

“The Coalition won’t be able to confirm the coffee download speed, but expects most people “should” get around 80 Megabeans per second.”

“The ALP will call for a CBA (Coffee Bean Analysis), just for shits and giggles…”

The NCBN? The National Coffee Bean Network?

My comparison might sound silly, or even ridiculous – but that’s the point.

It is no more ridiculous than wasting expensive parliamentary time questioning NBN Co over its office coffee policies.

NBN Co even took the time to point out how pointless the line of questioning was.